Enthusiasm

Been feeling a little off these days.  Especially when at work. I work part-time at a large food distribution company which affords me a good income and flexi schedule.  This flexi schedule allows me to plan my time between the boys and work on Distinctly RED (my business with Derrick on the side).

I have to say that my enthusiasm towards work has been severely lacking.  In particular, I am missing my fire, my ambition.  It almost seems that since the children came along, I have been distracted. I so want to be the best mom I can be to my boys yet, I really can’t have it all.  Something has to give and whether consciously or unconsciously, I made a decision to let the business “rest” for awhile.  

As a girl, I never thought too much about how different the sexes were.  I was brought up with the belief that a girl can do just as well as a boy.  When I was still dating Derrick, we opened our first company, Peapod Concepts, together in Singapore and within the first year, we were pulling in 6-digit sales income. We were goal-driven, excited at every job that came our way, always wanting to our best and come up with the most creative concept for each project.  Was this enthusiasm or what?  We were focused and worked all hours to get a project done and to secure future contracts.  We ate, lived and breathed Peapod for 3 years until Everett came along.

Now, I cannot imagine just eating, living and breathing for work only.  The boys come first and when they need me, all else fades away and honestly, its not that important.  What is important are my children.

Can I say that my enthusiasm has been re-directed?  Will it shift again?  Especially when the boys are older and no longer need me?